A thought

It's been a tough day. And today, actions and words have been hurtful, I've become pretty thick-skinned over the last several years but some days, it's not enough. When I have one of these days, I find myself searching for something, I find comfort in seeing the faces of those who have come before our little girl. There are a whole lot of blogs out there with those beautiful little faces. I know when I see those faces what their forever families have gone through, how long they've waited and longed to hold their little ones. They give me strength, hope and make me smile.

I know there are those out there who don't believe that one can love an adopted child as they would a biological child. I'm here to tell anyone who believes that, that they are wrong. He is not second-best, he is my son.

I remember, as if it were yesterday, when a nanny handed me our precious son, I remember, very clearly, a judge in a Russian courtroom, after two long hours of court, declaring that we were the parents to that beautiful little boy, I remember a very long trip home from half-way across the world, and an overwhelming spectrum of emotions, from pride to fear at becoming a first time mommy, I have experienced post-adoption depression, the equivalent to post-partum depression, I have slumbered out of bed in the middle of the night to feed a hungry baby, I have felt the incredible joy of seeing his first smile, first steps and first word. I have worried when his fever is over 104 and he is struggling to catch his breath during a croup episode while holding him on the front porch in the middle of the night when it's freezing cold. I have prayed in an ER while doctors were examining him. I have taken my son to his first day of school, hiding my tears so he wouldn't see and then cried all the way home. And I have watched that big yellow school bus carry him away. I have marveled at how quickly he catches on to new things. I have praised him for outstanding school work and have punished him when he has done something wrong. Everyday, every moment, I am proud to call him my son.

I wasn't there the day he was born but God was. And God chose us to parent this precious child and for that I am forever grateful. I know that God is making "baby sister" extra special and sometimes that takes time. No matter what, our China baby may not be growing in my womb but she's been growing in my heart for a very long time! And she too will be loved. I will be proud to be her mommy.

"Do not be afraid for I am with you. I will bring your children from the East and gather you from the West." (Isaiah 43:5)